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Red Pill, Blue Pill



A little over three weeks into my 12th year, I saw a movie that provided insight into the imagination of a genius – at least that’s what I thought at the time. Maybe I was too young to have truly grasped the message, but the recent release of The Matrix: Resurrections led me to go back and watch the series from the beginning.


After 551 minutes of watching Ne-yo (i’m just playing, I know it’s Neo) fight to understand the matrix so that he could fix the system built to break us, I realized that this movie is an accurate depiction of my healing journey over the course of the last 2+ years.


The Matrix represents our socialization into a system that conditions us to fulfill prescribed roles as a means of maintaining itself. It highlights the journey that awaits if one chooses to embark upon their healing journey in pursuit of their true self lost along the way. The series highlights the hard truth, healing is not a linear path and the only thing limiting us are ourselves.


However, while attempting to increase our collective conscious, the creators failed to realize that they were pushing the neo-mainstream agenda. They furthered the longstanding belief that our liberation would be contingent upon the success of another straight, white man – the only difference is that this one had black hair and dark eyes.


The truth is, each and every one of us has the ability to be the Neo in our story. Everyone is affected by our ability to free ourselves because doing so will position us to join the fight to combat and hopefully rewrite a just matrix. A matrix that socializes us to co-create an equitable society that empowers us all to not only be healed from our pasts but also free to write whatever story that we can imagine with the utensils that the future presents us with.


Although The Matrix: Resurrections furthered its white savior agenda, it did shed light on a critical lesson that they may not have known when the series initially ended 18 years ago. They showed us that liberation is not acquired via one choice as to whether to take the red or blue pill. Instead, the choice is one that we will have to make consistently. Over the course of our journey, we are granted infinite opportunities to return to a life enslaved to beliefs and behaviors that led us to die slowly, living an unfulfilled life.


When I started this blog, there was no vision for this space because I saw and treated it as a place to put my most vulnerable thoughts. I was caught off guard when I learned that there were people who not only read what I wrote but they also learned from the insight that I provided. Unfortunately, some tried to use the information shared in those posts to manipulate me.


All in all, my journey to self has allowed me to experience life in a way that I thought was unobtainable for a black male in America. I have found gratitude for the present as I approach the future with a sense of freedom that empowers me to dream for the first time since I was 5 years old. For the last 30 years, I have fought to survive the constant onslaught on my perception of who I am and what I am capable of.


It has been over three years since I have written anything. During that time, I focused on myself as I explored the depths of my soul. While navigating the darkness within, not only did I rescue my 5-year-old self and get to know my teenage self, but I also found a vision for #HealBlackMaleHeal. #HealBlackMaleHeal is a community where black males are welcome to engage in the pursuit of liberation from the systemic chains imposed upon us in our mothers' wombs. In addition to the podcast, book cypher, and more, this blog is an ongoing dialogue between us (you, the reader, and myself, the writer) as I share with you my pursuit of liberation the only way I know how - straight, no chaser.


This blog, which was once a space that served as my soul's external crying for help has emerged from its ashes as an opportunity for me to shed light on my daily journey to redefine what it means to be a black man in America. To live a life that proves that it is possible for black males to be free to:

  • Be the fathers most of us never had, and the partners that many of us never saw.

  • Experience a peace that our ancestors were never allowed to imagine.

  • Break generational mindsets that position our lineage to thrive.

As always, remember that there is no such thing as a life that's better than yours. Also that the road to healing is all about the decisions that we make, so approach each day of your odyssey as you would a big piece of cake - one bite at a time.


Until next time…


(Art by Laurie Cooper)


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